Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
I never said most of the things I said.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
All men are equal before fish.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary.
If something is shocking without being funny it’s hard to justify.
I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.
You know what’s funny to me? Attitude.
If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that’s what I’d be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong.
Everybody’s funny if you love them.
Everythings funnier when youre supposed to be quiet..
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Whatsapp.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
I have a date, um how do I get skinny by tomorrow?
A wise man once told me, no matter how HOT she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her….
If you need more TIME go and purchase a watch.
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
People who have Mobile Contacts like ‘Mom 2’, ‘Dad 2′ scare me:|
My favourite type of people are the relatives who give me bucks when they leave. ?
You look like a before picture.
Well I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
3 AM my cell is ringing…hey there you asleep?? No I’m Skydiving.
People said to follow your dreams so i went back to bed.
All my life a thought air was free…Until I bought a bag of chips.
Great power comes with great electricity bills.
Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver :3
On the other hand…you have different fingers.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed – Is only because of the shampoo
When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message, Or calling, Becomes the enemy
A lazy person is the one who can turn a call into a missed call.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
I hate math but I love counting money.
I really wanna work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun ?
I love cakes and cakes love me back perfect relation happy ending 🙂
I try to avoid things that make me fat …… Like weighing scales , mirrors , photographs … ?
Love friends and enjoy Whatsapp status
